


When It All Falls Apart

by AgelessWriter



Category: Graceland (TV), Graceland - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: After the episode where Johnny is blown up, Hurt, M/M, attempted suicide, injured, selfharm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 12:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgelessWriter/pseuds/AgelessWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny knows how upset Mike is, and all he can think of is that it's his fault. It's always been his fault... Always...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Johnny

When It All Falls Apart

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. All rights goes to USA network and Jeff Eastin.

 

Johnny sat in his room, shaking his head, trembling. Graceland, the team, everything was falling apart it seemed. Everyone was falling down, no one was trusting each other anymore, no more nights together at Hector's, and not even his jokes were helping anymore. All of it was coming down on the team hard.  
Set ups, set backs, blow ups, punches, getting high, disappearing. All of it happening at once, after one night. “Damn it, Briggs... Why? Thought we was all family...”Johnny spoke softly to himself, whispering. It was late, and as far as he knew, he was the only one awake.  
After tonight's incident between Briggs and Mike, the two went to their own rooms, Mike in tears, Briggs beyond pissed off. And Charlie wasn't up to par, she was high. 'Baked as a cake' as his brother would say. And Paige was out on one of her ops. And DJ... No one knew but Johnny, but DJ was thinking of applying for transfer, to leave the craziness of Graceland.

Johnny stood up and walked over to the window, looking out at the ocean. Normally the waves would calm him, but tonight, the waves faded into the background as the day replayed over and over again. That turned into his own past being brought up, the day his father was murdered, the day his brother joined the neighborhood gang, when his brother was arrested for committing a burglary with said gang. His mother dying on the phone with him...  
He swore and shook his head, fighting back tears as it all fell apart. He couldn't protect his biological family, why did he think he could protect this one? Johnny glanced over at his pocket knife, the last thing his father gave him before that awful day. He picked it up, playing with it, weighing it in his hands. Sighing, he thought back to when he was sixteen, diagnosed with depression, when he started cutting for the first time, doing brawls so he could get hit. He was young, no one really to care for or that cared for him aside from his mother, and that was only after she finished all her shifts from both her jobs, so the brawls and cuts were the only way he felt anything...

But could he do it again, do it now? Things were falling apart, all over again, just as they had then. So what was different? Not him, he still covered up everything in jokes and pranks, hid behind a smile of a clown. Right?  
Johnny screamed silently punching the window, without damaging it. He slipped to his knees, feeling tears streak down his face. Everyone he was around got hurt. Everything he touched fell apart. After all, what else did anyone at Graceland have in common but him? What did his family have in common? Him.

He shook, tears falling with no chance of stopping, sobs escaping his lips. Johnny cursed at himself, upset he was acting so weak. After all, people came and went, it was their job. Why should this hurt so much? 'Because they are mi familia. My family, the ones I chose for myself. Because I love them.. Because they keep me grounded.' Johnny answered himself silently, hugging himself close as he sobbed.  
Johnny then went back to the argument/fight between Mike and Briggs. It was his fault. He should have double checked, to make sure Mike knew. Then he wouldn't have been so upset with Briggs. He should have made himself indispensable so that Bello wouldn't have had a reason to want to kill him. He should have done so much more than what he did. He shouldn't have let it go so far, let it get so bad, so fast.

But, he did. He had let it happen, had trusted Briggs. Trusted himself even. Why couldn't he do anything right for once?   
Let's not get started on Charlie either. He should have known she was messed up by the way Briggs carried her out, by how she looked so euphoric. He should have known, should have helped better. Now he needed to make sure that she was going to get help, going to go to rehab, anywhere that would help her. And Briggs needed someone to punch around, to vent to. Mike... Johnny had no idea what all he would need, but suspected that therapy was high on that list.

None of that he could truly give anyone though. He was useless, defenseless. Ignorant, just the party boy. A 'knucklehead' as Charlie would put it. His father would call him something else. What it was would depend on his mood, though his favorite was typically telling Johnny how stupid he was, how all he was good for was being a pushover, how a punching bag had better scores in school... And then of course, his dad's favorite part would happen... He'd hit Johnny as hard as he could, and would continue hitting him, until he either begged well enough for it to stop, or was about dead.  
Johnny trembled as he came too, away from his past, the beatings, his eyes still full of tears and blurry. He could guess how red his normally tanned face was, how much messier he looked. Light trickled through, and he realized he had been at this all night. All night without officially ending it. He couldn't even do that right... Stupid.

Johnny picked up his knife again, looking at it, pulling out the blade. He laid his right arm down, raising his left hand, the hand with the knife. Closing his eyes, he remembered everything; from the beatings, to the names he was called, to the family falling apart, to his brother, to the day before.

And, for the first time in years, Joesph “Johnny” Tuturro slit his wrist, hoping for death.


	2. Mike

When It All Falls Apart

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. All rights goes to USA network and Jeff Eastin.  
A/N: This was originally going to be a one shot, but due to popular demand, it is now a two shot.

Mike

Mike Warren had finally some what calmed down after the days events, though he was still angry with Briggs and shaken about Johnny's “death” in the plan. He glanced around to find the time, about eleven at night. Surely someone was still up, someone he could talk to, someone to help him forgive Briggs, even if it seemed like a hopeless situation.  
'Johnny.'Mike thought, knowing the Hispanic agent was always willing to talk (and joke) with anyone. Mike stood from his bed, going to make his way to Johnny's room. He knocked, asking Johnny if he could come in. No answer. He tried about two more times, to see if Johnny was asleep before opening the door...

Upon opening the door, he felt his heart drop into his stomach, his mind whirring before he jumped into action, grabbing a bed sheet off the bed to wrap around the wounds. “JOHNNY! JOHNNY! STAY WITH ME!”he shrieked, putting pressure on the wounds, blood on the floor soaking into his jeans. Johnny opened his eyes a bit, a euphoric smile on his face.  
“Hey Mikey... It's okay. It's nice there... Really warm and bright... You can let me go... I'll be fine...”the older man spoke, closing his eyes. Mike swore, realizing he was losing his friend. He looked to the door.  
“Somebody! Anybody! Call 911! PLEASE!”he shrieked, trying to keep Johnny with them on Earth. Paige walked in, yawning. She hadn't seen their friend laying in a pool of his own blood yet, she was tired.  
“Levi, what is with all the screaming? You wanna wake-”her words were cut off by her own gasp, tears forming in her eyes. “J-Johnny? Oh my-”she swore, shaking. Mike looked up to her, helplessly.  
“911. Call 911. Tell the others.”Mike spoke, his voice wavering as Paige began to follow his instructions...

\-----------

 

Hours had passed since he found Johnny. Hours. Looking around, the other Graceland members were sitting in the waiting room with him, Paige crying on Charlie's shoulder, Briggs was pacing back and forth, and DJ was reading a magazine, though his hands showed signs of his uneasiness with the whole situation.  
How Mike had gotten to the hospital is one thing he doesn't recall, he doesn't even recall the ambulance arriving and taking his friend. Nor does he recall the EMT's questions or answers, when the other team members arrived. All he knows is that Johnny is in the hospital because he tried, or it appears he tried, to kill himself. And he is here to try and help his friend.

 

A nurse walked in, a beautiful blonde woman, someone that Johnny would have flirted with, or at least would attempt to flirt with. Mike sighed at the thought, hoping Johnny would still get a chance too. “Are you all here for Mr. Tuturro?”she asked, a grave calm in her tone. Mike tensed, glancing up at her.  
“Yeah. We are. How is he?”Briggs answered before anyone else had a chance, his tone matching hers. Mike couldn't help but glare as his superior spoke without an ounce of emotion towards their friend, the man who tried so hard to help.  
“He's actually going to recover nicely. Although, we worry if he has done this before or if he would try again.”the nurse replied. Charlie looked up at her.  
“Look. Johnny is our goofball, our glue. He keeps us grounded. I know he has a past with depression, but that isn't him anymore. He just... He must have snapped under the pressure of the past few days.”Charlie replied. The nurse sighed, sounded like she did in defeat.  
“I understand how you must feel about your friend, but people don't just try to commit suicide under pressure unless it's a pressure that has been building for quite some time. Now, who is going to get to see him first?”the nurse asked. Mike stood up and walked over to her.  
“Me. I found him, we're pretty close... Please?”Mike asked. The woman nodded and led him down the corridor and into a too-white room. There on the bed was Johnny, looking up at the sealing, his usual smile replaced with a look of contempt, of anger...  
\------

 

“Hey Johnny...”Mike whispered, sitting in the chair by the bed. Johnny turned to face him, forcing a smile.  
“Aye, Mikey. How goes it?”he asked, his typically bubbly nature making its return. Mike glared.  
“Don't try to play cute, John. We almost lost you. We... We almost lost one of the best people at Graceland. Our friend. Why?”Mike asked, feeling the tears returning. The older man sighed, the guards falling.  
“Because man, it's all falling apart. Just like it did in my bio family. At Graceland... Everyone is supposed to be like family, we're supposed to have each other's backs and there aren't supposed to be any secrets. But there are secrets, we don't have each other's backs anymore... And no one is a family anymore... After Lauren and her freak out over Donny... It just... All started crumbling...”Johnny answered, swallowing. His own tears were returning at his confession.  
Mike reached out, grabbing his hand. “We aren't falling apart Johnny... Family fights and argues... Right? That's all we're doing right now. But it'll all sort itself out. You'll see. Just let us prove it to you, let us help.”Mike spoke, squeezing his hand for added reassurance.  
Johnny shook his head. “Mike... There is soo much you don't know, that the Bureau didn't prep you for. Things like this... It's gonna take a Hell of a lot of superglue to fix. And lucky me, the jokester, I get to put the pieces back together. But this time... The pieces are too broken...”Johnny quipped. He started to tremble again, all of it flooding back. Tears began to fall again, this time in front of Mike, something he kicked himself for doing.  
Mike reached over, wiping the stray tears away. “Too many pieces huh? What if I helped put them all back together? Then it won't be so hard on you...”Mike asked, a small smile forming. Johnny let out breathless laugh through his tears, shaking his head. He considered it, looking at the younger man.  
“Alright... We'll try to place the pieces back together...”

And for the first time since entering Graceland, Michael “Mike” Warren felt as if he was doing the right thing.


End file.
